The “Friend-zone” Concept

Friend-zone is a sexist construct that holds women responsible for a man’s feelings—happiness.

More often than not this term used for men when women don’t return their romantic feelings. Their argument often narrows on the fact that women never go for the “good” guys who’ve been loving, kind and respectful and instead end up with the bad guys. You are no stranger to this word– it’s in books, movies, shows, blogs, etc., but most of all, in real life.

Friendzone perpetuates the notion that women are entitled to them—which they’re not. No means no. No doesn’t mean you keep trying until you practically force her to say yes by pursuing her against her wish—essentially harassing her.

Being the nice guy doesn’t give you the authority to be the object of her affections—if you really believe that, you’re not the nice guy. You don’t get to make her feel guilty because she doesn’t have feelings for you. You’re allowed to feel sad if your love is unrequited—but don’t harass her or sell the notion of friendzone because then you’re simply being a sexist pig.

It also perpetuates double standards because women are always being judged for sleeping with men, called a slut, a whore, and now, a misguided monster for not loving you back. Don’t say that she led you on because you assumed she was flirting when all she did was be friendly. Ask, if you’re in doubt. Don’t assume then blame her. Friend-zone is a term used by almost everyone. Though you primarily see it between two people of the opposite sex, the concept is not bound by heterosexuality. 

Hear this loud and clear. All human beings have the right to reject a romantic or sexual advance without being forced to feel that they owed it to the other person to give them a chance. No means no, it doesn’t mean try harder. No one gets to decide they are entitled to someone else’s affection because they were nice to them. Being nice is the bare minimum you can do as a human being. Respect each other’s feelings. No one’s default is to return the affection. Nor should it be.


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